TRIGGER WARNING – DISCUSSIONS OF RAPE, ABUSE, AND BULLYING
“I’m gonna make him a man.”
“You don’t want to be a pussy, do you?”
“What are you a fag?”
We have all heard these before at some point, and most of us have dismissed it as part of the normal way we talk to each other in society. We probably never even think about statements, where they came from, what they mean, or most importantly, what these phrases are doing when we use them. Words have effects. Christopher Kilmartin, professor of psychology, tells us: “The worst insult you can give to a boy is that ‘you run like, act like, look like, dance like, throw like a girl.’ So when we tell little boys that being like a girl diminishes you, what kind of attitude are we building? We are teaching them to disrespect women.” This abusive push for manhood hurts both women and men, to the point where here in the United States, “being a man” means a constant anxiety about achieving and defending one’s manhood, a manhood that is defined by aggression and violence. Man up! Be Tough!
Both men and women experience the negative effects of the violent standard of masculinity. Women (and some men) suffer through sexual harassment, sexism, economic inequality, and rape, among many other things. Men suffer by being denied the freedom to be a full human being. This constant pressure to ‘Man Up’ prevents feeling and showing emotions and forces men to follow a strict script of what is acceptable.
One of the most dangerous aspects of the requirement placed on men to defend and prove their manliness is the constant show of strength, power, and aggression, which limits critical reflection. Admitting that you may not have the answer is not allowed. Anyone that questions the accepted standard of masculinity gets labeled as unmanly, a pussy, a fag. For masculinity to thrive, it must crush any negative criticism, keeping men imprisoned with anxiety to either follow or be thrown out of the “boy’s club.” This is anti-human and anti-freedom.
I wish to challenge this anti-critical masculinity, and The Critical Veteran is this challenge. A little bit about me; I was an infantry paratrooper at the 82nd Airborne Division. I have served in both Afghanistan and Iraq. I have been a high school and middle school teacher. I have been a bartender. I have been uncertain about choices. I have been certain. I have been a bad boyfriend. I have been a good boyfriend. I have been to strip clubs and watched porn. I have enjoyed firing a gun. I have questioned the 2nd Amendment. I am not perfect. I strive for understanding.
An important point right from the outset is realizing that I am not above the pressures and influences of our culture, which strongly pushes to divide and label genders. Many of the jokes, words, activities, and practices investigated here, I have participated in at one time or another. However, our complicity cannot cripple our current ability to critique. Like addiction, no change can be made until we admit there is a problem and come to terms with the fact that we are not above the problem. I write from the position of a human being situated within a culture that constantly pushes masculinity. This space, this blog, is a vehicle for me to explore my own understanding of masculinity and its effect on me as a person. My hope is that by peering into my process, the act of questioning masculinity, instead of just trying to achieve and defend it, will become easier for others. The process of “becoming a happy human being” should be a free and unrestricted journey, not a pre-scripted, oppressive one.
Welcome to The Critical Veteran.